HOW TO MAKE YOUR NEXT BARBECUE A SMASH!
THE BACKYARD BONFIRE BARBECUE!
The Fire Pit
Many decades ago, me and my derelict high school buddies were having one of our infamous backyard barbeques. We did this all the time and it was always a lot of fun and a great bonding experience. This time, however, the experience was a little more exiting than usual.
This barbeque took place in my parents’ backyard. It was back in the old days when we had no real barbeque grill, but only a pit dugout in the ground surrounded by cinder blocks and a grill to throw over the top. We were sitting around the pit as usual drinking our long neck 9-0-5 beers, smoking cigarettes, laughing and having fun.
The Old Christmas Tree in the Bomb Shelter Pipes
We had an old Christmas tree that had been in the backyard for about six months and it was all dried out and brown. We were one of the few families in the area to have a bomb shelter in the backyard left over from a historical time when the extreme tension of a possible nuclear strike on the US during the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962. There were some old green pipes that were sticking up from the ground that were air vents for the bomb shelter below. The Christmas tree trunk was thrust down into one of these air vents and had been standing up in the backyard. Just like every other family there was some discussion about when to take the Christmas tree down and the compromise between the parties that wanted to take the Christmas tree down, “Christmas was over a long time ago! It’s messing up the house!” and us kids that wanted to hang on to Christmas feelings perhaps too long, was too take the tree out into the backyard and let it stand erect in the bomb shelter pipes. We could look at it out through the kitchen windows and perhaps think on it fondly.
Burst into Flames
Anyway, this particular barbeque evening, Eric Bischoff (after having consumed many 9-0-5s) had determined it was time for that old dead tree to go! He hoisted the tree up in the air, walked over and slammed it down into the barbeque pit like Jason Voorhees! We were all captivated as it immediately burst into flames!
The flames ripped up into the night sky at an incredible pace and height! The flames must have leapt up in the air nearly two stories! That’s about twenty-eight feet! (Maybe it was more like twenty feet)
Our faces were glowing with orange and red colors and jaws dropped aghast with awe and pleasure of the tower of flames! We stood up and raised our 9-0-5s into the night sky and howled at the moon! We drank and danced about like The Lord of the Flies!
“we are just barbequing sir”
Soon, of course, my parents came out the back-screen door to see what was going on. All the neighbors also came out and stood on their back porches to see whose house was on fire! And of course, someone called the police. Because not long after, we had the fire department, with the big long ladder truck and all kinds of police cars show up in front of our house! But, by then the old dried Christmas tree had burned down to nothing but a pile of embers and red coals! The police and firemen approached us and asked what was going on. We just pointed to the fire pit and said, “we are just barbequing sir”. They all looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders and said ‘some kind of false alarm guys’, and they packed up their stuff and left!
We laughed so hard! We escaped the clutches of the police and the neighborhood tyranny again!!
Chicken Wing Bones and Beer Bottles
Later were talking about which neighbors had called the cops, I pointed next door and commented they were always giving me a hard time about the wild barbeques. I shouldn’t have said anything because Eric said, “F those mofos!” and threw his empty beer bottle over the fence into their yard! The others all laughed and followed suit. The rest of the night they threw beer bottles and chicken wing bones over the fence and laughed hysterically! This became a tradition at subsequent barbeques, someone would tell the story about the bonfire and the police and then point to their house and say, “It was them who called the police!’ and the beer bottles and bones would begin flying over the fence!
What Can We Learn from All of This?
So, the lesson I want to pass on here is that you can make your barbeque parties an exciting event by creating a small bonfire!
We know that using little chunks of wood to cook over will add a tremendous flavor to your barbeque. Pecan, Hickory, Mesquite, Cherry, Apple even grapevines from vineyards! So, what we can do is get small sticks of these kinds of woods and use them as kindling. Pile them up high over your lump charcoal and larger chunks of preferred wood.
Then when you start your grill it will erupt into a small bonfire to get things going with a bang. Then quickly burn down to coals and embers and also get your charcoal started. Experiment with this until you can get the fire the right size and burn time so everything will be safe and the bonfire will be gone before any police come. Or, you can do the bonfire at the end of the night if that’s more attractive.
Peace and Barbeque Grease!
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